beautiful boys and second chances

this week

Songs most stuck in my head:
- dry the rain/beta band (where's james d when i need him?!)
- the space between/valencia
- velouria/pixies
[what, no rufus wainwright? makes a change...]

Superficial thoughts:
- Swoon. The beautiful boy that works upstairs really *is* beautiful. I keep running into him.
- Wearing a white vest to misshapes - baaaad idea. Someone spills a drink down your front, that shit ain't comin' out easy. Trust me.
- Glamorama is genuinely one of the best fucking books ever. Every time I re-read it (yes, I’ve read it a lot) I find something new, I forget about bits... go out and read it, yo. I love it.
- Who exactly reads this blog? It gets quite a few hits but I have no idea who's looking at it. It’s interesting.
- Why do people write blogs? This involves much more thought.

Excesses:
- Being late for work. I really am usually super punctual, if not early, but this week I’ve just never been able to make that 9am deadline.
- Money spending. But I kind of had to buy the Bret Easton Ellis books (see prev.) and I’m sure all my other outgoings were vital, too.
- Vodka open bars. Oy.



Less superficial thoughts:
- Certain awkward situations (interruption: new thought of the week – how weird is the word awkward? two ‘w’s. what an odd word to write and spell):
* People knowing things,
* People not knowing things,
* Seeing the doorman who asked me out and feeling weird – especially as he’s often on the night shift and I come back in by myself in the wee hours and it’s just him around [but I think that’s just my issue]
* Being hit on in elevators by lecherous old guys. Can’t tell you how uncomfortable this makes me. Such a small enclosed space, there’s no place to escape. Again, probably just my issue.

- The nature of regret. Filling in some survey thing last weekend (y’know, one of those really pointless ones that float around myspace and you occasionally fill in if you’re really really bored and have nothing else to do) and the last question was: Number of things in my Past I Regret. My answer? : “I try not to regret anything that's already happened, as in retrospect it seems as if things happen for a reason – and if they hadn't happened I wouldn't be right here, right now. so.” But then it’s somehow come up in conversation with other people as well this week so it’s got me thinking about it.

- Déjà vu. Keep having really vivid cases of déjà vu and can’t help thinking – indulge me here – that what if, instead of just being a case of our synapses misfiring, the messages traveling so fast that they bounce back twice so we think we’re seeing the same thing again or whatever [ahh Mr. Bright, you’d be so proud, I remembered your GCSE explanation of déjà vu…] – what if it’s something more than that, like what if it’s something we actually have done or seen before, and we’ve been given a second chance because there’s something we have to do that we didn’t before, something big that we messed up last time that caused our lives to go the wrong way, and this déjà vu thing is our reminder that we’re getting a second chance?

- What would you do with a second chance? I’m genuinely interested in actually hearing some answers for this one. I know people read this thing.