so are the days of our lives...

So I keep starting to write a six-month review - can you believe it? I've been here six months already... like sands through the hourglass etc etc - but I'm in a very honest mood at the moment, and keep ending up deleting half the shit I write. So I'll summarise a few points so far:

* This summer was a strange mixture of amazing highs and crappy lows without much balance or normality in between, and although the lows really were fucking low, the highs totally outweighed them and I think I can easily say 2005 was one of the best summers I've had in a fucking long time

* There are some people without whom my experience in NY wouldn't be the same; I'm not going to name-drop them because otherwise I might start gushing and I don't want to embarrass them or me, but I really hope they know who they are, how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate all they've done for me

* I just haven't missed London at all. I guess I've missed the people I left there though...

*...Although sometimes it's more like I miss the calibre of friendships I have there, if that makes sense. The safety net of people I have there. That's a better way of putting it. But we all need to get away from that at some point in our lives, just to see how we respond, who it makes us [blech, I feel like some drugstore psychology is imminent]

* I miss hanging out with boys. It's one thing to text or message a chick you kind of know and be like "you want to grab some dinner/hit up this open bar/etc" but, maybe it's just me being pony, it has a slightly different resonance when you do it to a guy you don't know so well. I miss James D, how easy it was just to be like "yeah let's go for a drink" - there was never anything in that. Totally platonic. Hmm, maybe it *is* just me being crap.

* It's really interesting meeting new people, being introduced to new people, and watching how they react. Guys are - whatever, they're usually friendly, but girls - well, girls are very different. They'll either be lovely or they'll be pretty aloof and like "who is this new girl" [more so if it's a guy that's doing the introducing to me and one of their female friends or something]. It's kind of funny.

* I wish I had more friends. I mean, it's one thing to know kids at a party. Y'know, it can be kinda nice to be able to walk into, say, Orchard Bar or Misshapes and see peeps you know who'll say hi and stuff, but it's one thing to know people at a bar and another to have people to hang out with. And there comes a point when just "knowing" people isn't enough. But I'm not very good at making them, I don't know how, and I hate inviting myself places, despite the fact I've had to do it quite a bit to get by. And I know it does pay off, but I still don't like doing it. Plus, it's really hard to, like, break into friendship groups and so on. People have their set ways or whatever. It can be tough. Be gentle, kids. I'm not out to be mean or steal anyone or make out with you, I just want people to hang with so I'm not constantly bothering the [very?] few people I usually bug for dinner or drinks or whatever. I don't want to bore them or annoy them. I've heard a lot of people bitching about "oh yeah this girl just moved to the city/broke up with her boyfriend and is always calling me now, wanting to hang out". I so don't want to be that girl.

* It can be weird how someone saying hi or recognising you or just making that tiny extra bit of effort can totally make or break a night.

* It's a good thing I'm pretty self-sufficient and happy with my own company [read: has a tendency to be anti-social...] because it totally came into play at the beginning of the summer. I tried my hardest with the other English kids, but they just don't float my boat, so why bother wasting time trying to be friends, chasing after them when I know I could - did - find better people? I just don't understand how or why they move to NYC for a year yet spend the whole time with one another hanging out in fucking Irish pubs or something. Just stay in the UK, morons.

* I think I broadened my musical horizons and absorbed more since I've been here than I feel I did in the last couple of years in the UK

* I automatically now find myself:
- saying Zee instead of Zed
- pronouncing 'route' as rowt instead of root
- using the words 'awesome' and 'rad' without a hint of irony
- going up at the end of every sentence
- saying 'make out' instead of 'pull' or 'snog'. Oh, or 'get off'. I totally forgot about that phrase till my roommate used it recently.
- that's another thing, I now say 'roommate' instead of housemate or flatmate.

Wishlist:
- more friends
- better clothes [have you seen how sharply dressed some of these kids are??]
- better visa [and I don't mean a credit card]
- ie, a job here [that pays more than this shitty thing does]
- to move out of JC and nearer my peeps
- more writing gigs
- a new fucking camera. I miss my digital bitch so much. Can't believe it died.
- a massage. My neck and shoulders are caning right now.
- a new back tire [or tyre] for my bike.

I think that's it. Six more months. It's going to go so fast. I have to work on this job thing. Anyone got any hints, throw 'em my way.

November's kicking my ass at the moment and I'm being a little anti-social, I need some party action so maybe I'll see yous all at the usual haunts. You know where I mean. And feel free to say hi.