otherwise known as a maladjust

Back in London and I:

* I almost get run over 'cause I can't remember which way to look when I cross the road
* I get yelled at by friends for asking for "the check" instead of the bill...
* ...and for tipping bartenders without thinking about it
* I can't figure out what size clothes I am in shops
* I get my 5ps [the size of dimes] and 10ps [the size of nickels] mixed up
* 20ps and 50ps seem extraordinarily shaped
* I tell my sister I'll meet her on line for the registers and she thinks I'm talking about the internet
* I ask where the restrooms are and get weird looks
* I forget that you need your ticket to get out of tube stations and cause huge traffic jams as I walk straight into the barriers [which don't open for me] then faff around trying to find what I've done with my travelcard as the ticket inspector stares at me huffily, a guard in the ticket booth is laughing at me and all the sales-weary shoppers behind growl and mutter "tourist"...