vegas?
vegas??
wtf?
--------
on a whole other note (these entries are turning schizophrenic) thanks to b-dub for the faaabulous CDs. can't believe they got here so fast. must have been a speedboat or something. total flashbacks listening to them of the bbq at chonch's, asking pk who sang the songs, trying to explain that i didn't really grow up in the whole soft-rock thing and therefore didn't really know these songs so well (a conversation that repeated itself this weekend just gone w/ LBG. people always find it amusing that i had never been to a gig before about a month ago). slowdancing to - surprisingly enough - the slowdance CD and working out that at the time of my prom pk was 30 and finding it kind of funny. the crazy dancing and striptease in meadows' house. but this is just repeating a post a few back about the actual bbq.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
cuckoo...
i swear to god, prozac would help so much right now.
it's a shame i'm not a drug person.
everything is so up and down.
maybe electroshock treatment. or a lobotomy.
bring it on, nurse ratched.
it's a shame i'm not a drug person.
everything is so up and down.
maybe electroshock treatment. or a lobotomy.
bring it on, nurse ratched.
Friday, June 25, 2004
caffeine highs
so the coffee i had earlier has well and truly kicked in
i'm jivin around in my chair, dancing to the music i'm listening to on my headphones, rabidly flicking through netpages (mainly fotolog to be honest)
then i go back to the purchase order software that i keep minimising on the screen and my eyes just glaze over...
at least i get to go home in an hr and twenty mins
i can't believe it's critical mass tonight and (a) i didn't find out about it sooner (thx frank) and (b) i've already got unchangeable plans. it sucks.
i'm jivin around in my chair, dancing to the music i'm listening to on my headphones, rabidly flicking through netpages (mainly fotolog to be honest)
then i go back to the purchase order software that i keep minimising on the screen and my eyes just glaze over...
at least i get to go home in an hr and twenty mins
i can't believe it's critical mass tonight and (a) i didn't find out about it sooner (thx frank) and (b) i've already got unchangeable plans. it sucks.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
of all the restaurants...
I bumped into my producer as he was walking out The Ivy this evening
Does anyone else find this as funny as I do?
(and what are the coincidences? i was walking up from seven dials as he walked out and almost into me)
Does anyone else find this as funny as I do?
(and what are the coincidences? i was walking up from seven dials as he walked out and almost into me)
Thursday, June 17, 2004
a small good thing
even if old friends let you down and fuck you around, remember there are new friends who are more than happy to help.
small rays of sunshine that they are.
oh, and the raymond carver story to which the title refers made me cry when i had to read it at university. i was in the middle of the library at the time, too.
small rays of sunshine that they are.
oh, and the raymond carver story to which the title refers made me cry when i had to read it at university. i was in the middle of the library at the time, too.
one of the things currently wrong
i haven't heard from P. properly in ages.
i'll send a text just to try and touch base, make contact. no reply. or the briefest of replies that couldn't sound more like a brush off if it tried.
i try to talk on messenger. i get ignored. or the briefest of replies, where P. sounds incredibly distracted, gives really generic answers and makes no attempt at conversation or returning the questions.
i try calling, leave a voicemail or message with someone else in the house. no calls back. i even got through one time, was promised i would be called back in about an hour (P. had just walked through the door). obviously never heard back.
if P. was a guy, i would have given up weeks ago.
but she's meant to be my "best" friend. and suddenly it's like we're strangers or something.
i don't know what's up.
we co-ran a company together.
she practically spent half of last summer and the previous summer at my house.
she considers my family hers.
we have conversations where no one has any idea what we're talking about.
we do that weird psychic link thing i seem to get with people when i spend a lot of time with them.
we have a similar sense of humour, like the same books, films and other superficial things.
we're the ones we turn to when things are going down the pan, when the winter crazies set in, when vodka is required at 1 in the morning after bad breakups, the ones we celebrate with after dissertations have been handed in, final exams taken, the ones we go to brunch with up at the american-polish diner and sit there reading the papers. the ones we share really fucking stupid jokes with that still make me laugh (Amanda Huggankyss? Snipers and squirrels? Glamorama? Band on the Run?)
we had more contact when she was in brazil for fuck's sake. when she wasn't that happy, when things were bad here, there were always long emails or conversations on MSN. and even a phone call where i spoke to brazil on my mobile for like, forty minutes. (surprisingly not that expensive, although i hadn't meant for it to be that long, or to call on my mobile, it was just what happened.) we both needed it though and i didn't care.
so how can a friendship that can be that intense or whatever suddenly dissipate into nothing?
so she's back with j, friends always seem to take a backseat when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends, it's a fact of life. that's understandable. but - fuck it, i don't know. its since she got back from brazil that it's all been weird. did we both change that much?
do i give up or keep trying? am i just humiliating myself if i do?
i'll send a text just to try and touch base, make contact. no reply. or the briefest of replies that couldn't sound more like a brush off if it tried.
i try to talk on messenger. i get ignored. or the briefest of replies, where P. sounds incredibly distracted, gives really generic answers and makes no attempt at conversation or returning the questions.
i try calling, leave a voicemail or message with someone else in the house. no calls back. i even got through one time, was promised i would be called back in about an hour (P. had just walked through the door). obviously never heard back.
if P. was a guy, i would have given up weeks ago.
but she's meant to be my "best" friend. and suddenly it's like we're strangers or something.
i don't know what's up.
we co-ran a company together.
she practically spent half of last summer and the previous summer at my house.
she considers my family hers.
we have conversations where no one has any idea what we're talking about.
we do that weird psychic link thing i seem to get with people when i spend a lot of time with them.
we have a similar sense of humour, like the same books, films and other superficial things.
we're the ones we turn to when things are going down the pan, when the winter crazies set in, when vodka is required at 1 in the morning after bad breakups, the ones we celebrate with after dissertations have been handed in, final exams taken, the ones we go to brunch with up at the american-polish diner and sit there reading the papers. the ones we share really fucking stupid jokes with that still make me laugh (Amanda Huggankyss? Snipers and squirrels? Glamorama? Band on the Run?)
we had more contact when she was in brazil for fuck's sake. when she wasn't that happy, when things were bad here, there were always long emails or conversations on MSN. and even a phone call where i spoke to brazil on my mobile for like, forty minutes. (surprisingly not that expensive, although i hadn't meant for it to be that long, or to call on my mobile, it was just what happened.) we both needed it though and i didn't care.
so how can a friendship that can be that intense or whatever suddenly dissipate into nothing?
so she's back with j, friends always seem to take a backseat when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends, it's a fact of life. that's understandable. but - fuck it, i don't know. its since she got back from brazil that it's all been weird. did we both change that much?
do i give up or keep trying? am i just humiliating myself if i do?
Monday, June 14, 2004
i love my job
gaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHH! bah! arrrghhh!
christ, this job and this woman are doing my head in. i'm rapidly losing patience, and it takes a lot for that to happen. but she never lets you just get on with things, she always has to double check and treat you like a child. makes me want to say why don't you just do it yourself, instead of telling me to do something then hovering over me whilst i do it or whatever. AGHHH! oh, and she's always got so much to do, but instead of *doing* it, she sits there getting in a flap about it, constantly telling me how much she has to do and how much of a panic she's in. then she sits and plays cards on her computer.
MAAAAAAAAAAA!
okay, maybe this is slightly PMT-induced, but genuinely driving me bats. i'm SO leaving at the end of june. the other jobs i've been doing at this company have been boring but i could stand them. this facilities shit is so at the opposite end of the spectrum from interesting or anything i want to do, and working so closely with her... goddamn.
maybe i'll quit and take july off. doing some writing (that would be an idea). maybe go do another summer school program at st martins, or something.
anything to not be here. it's a shame, there are some good people here and i could do with the money. it's just this particular job.
bah humbug.
christ, this job and this woman are doing my head in. i'm rapidly losing patience, and it takes a lot for that to happen. but she never lets you just get on with things, she always has to double check and treat you like a child. makes me want to say why don't you just do it yourself, instead of telling me to do something then hovering over me whilst i do it or whatever. AGHHH! oh, and she's always got so much to do, but instead of *doing* it, she sits there getting in a flap about it, constantly telling me how much she has to do and how much of a panic she's in. then she sits and plays cards on her computer.
MAAAAAAAAAAA!
okay, maybe this is slightly PMT-induced, but genuinely driving me bats. i'm SO leaving at the end of june. the other jobs i've been doing at this company have been boring but i could stand them. this facilities shit is so at the opposite end of the spectrum from interesting or anything i want to do, and working so closely with her... goddamn.
maybe i'll quit and take july off. doing some writing (that would be an idea). maybe go do another summer school program at st martins, or something.
anything to not be here. it's a shame, there are some good people here and i could do with the money. it's just this particular job.
bah humbug.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
note to self:
damaged people looking pensively/sadly/angrily/frustratedly in broken mirrors is a terrible cliche. do not use.
Friday, June 04, 2004
between a rock and a hard place
i can't decide which is worse, trying to comfort/advise someone you're in love with about a relationship they're in, or their partner who you're friends with.
i'm not of the school that would try and drive the wedge in further.
you want them to be happy whatever, and the person they're with usually makes them happy. so you want them to kiss and make up, even if -
gah. whatever. maybe i should go to sleep.
things never seem so complicated in the mornings.
i'm not of the school that would try and drive the wedge in further.
you want them to be happy whatever, and the person they're with usually makes them happy. so you want them to kiss and make up, even if -
gah. whatever. maybe i should go to sleep.
things never seem so complicated in the mornings.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
spirit level
oh, and one more thing:
16) being able to stick things on exactly straight first time round is a gift, but i don't know how useful it will be in life
the perfect antidote to some creepy derren brown shit - a freddie prinze "plank of wood" jnr film. but i only managed to watch five minutes before i wanted to put my fist through the t.v. screen.
16) being able to stick things on exactly straight first time round is a gift, but i don't know how useful it will be in life
the perfect antidote to some creepy derren brown shit - a freddie prinze "plank of wood" jnr film. but i only managed to watch five minutes before i wanted to put my fist through the t.v. screen.
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