one of the things currently wrong

i haven't heard from P. properly in ages.

i'll send a text just to try and touch base, make contact. no reply. or the briefest of replies that couldn't sound more like a brush off if it tried.

i try to talk on messenger. i get ignored. or the briefest of replies, where P. sounds incredibly distracted, gives really generic answers and makes no attempt at conversation or returning the questions.

i try calling, leave a voicemail or message with someone else in the house. no calls back. i even got through one time, was promised i would be called back in about an hour (P. had just walked through the door). obviously never heard back.

if P. was a guy, i would have given up weeks ago.

but she's meant to be my "best" friend. and suddenly it's like we're strangers or something.

i don't know what's up.

we co-ran a company together.
she practically spent half of last summer and the previous summer at my house.
she considers my family hers.
we have conversations where no one has any idea what we're talking about.
we do that weird psychic link thing i seem to get with people when i spend a lot of time with them.
we have a similar sense of humour, like the same books, films and other superficial things.

we're the ones we turn to when things are going down the pan, when the winter crazies set in, when vodka is required at 1 in the morning after bad breakups, the ones we celebrate with after dissertations have been handed in, final exams taken, the ones we go to brunch with up at the american-polish diner and sit there reading the papers. the ones we share really fucking stupid jokes with that still make me laugh (Amanda Huggankyss? Snipers and squirrels? Glamorama? Band on the Run?)

we had more contact when she was in brazil for fuck's sake. when she wasn't that happy, when things were bad here, there were always long emails or conversations on MSN. and even a phone call where i spoke to brazil on my mobile for like, forty minutes. (surprisingly not that expensive, although i hadn't meant for it to be that long, or to call on my mobile, it was just what happened.) we both needed it though and i didn't care.

so how can a friendship that can be that intense or whatever suddenly dissipate into nothing?

so she's back with j, friends always seem to take a backseat when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends, it's a fact of life. that's understandable. but - fuck it, i don't know. its since she got back from brazil that it's all been weird. did we both change that much?

do i give up or keep trying? am i just humiliating myself if i do?