Why Doctors are rubbish and Green Wing is nearer to the truth than ER ever was

At the beginning of September, I was put on some meds.

Well, actually that's a lie. In mid-August I was put on meds, I just didn't start taking them till September, mainly because I was unsure of them and my smug-face doctor brushed off questions with a crumpled computer printout about them.

So anyway, the meds-taking commences, one a day in the morning, yadda yadda yadda.

Then the side effects start kicking in.

It starts off with a bit of dry mouth, nothing a stick of gum and/or glass of water can't cure.

Then comes the reduced appetite, and that doesn't really bother me too much either.

But then they go into overdrive and the nausea and headaches are coming at me full tilt, and I'm so bone-weary and tired I'm falling asleep in front of my computer screen [lucky for me my desk is in a corner so I have my back to everyone. How do they know if my eyes are closed?] - yet insomniac at night. I'm wondering why anyone would prescribe something that can make you feel this ill and robotic.

Then there's the joint aches - which feel like bad growing pains, if you can remember what they feel like - and my legs are so painful I can't even sleep.

I get to breaking point and I call the Doctor. First time I call the offices are shut. Shut? It's the middle of a working day. I find out I have to call back specifically between 12 - 12:30, when the Doctors aren't with patients. So finally I'm put through to another Dr in the office, that I haven't met before. I describe what's going on and tell him the meds are making my life a misery.

"Hmm. Yes, well nausea and headaches are a side effect - they should cut down after about six weeks."

Six weeks?!

"But what about the aching joints? They're so bad now I can't sleep"

Long pause.

"Well. Joint aches. Hmm, I've never heard of that-"

"It's in the pamphlet that came with the medication. I read it over. I did make sure I hadn't just pulled a muscle or something. It's been going on for over a week."

"Riiight. Well... Um...."

Dude, hurry up and be a professional, you're just wasting money on my cell phone while you umm and ahh. There are computer clicking noises on the other end. I imagine the doctor checking his gmail or myspace or something, killing time in that half hour between end of surgery and beginning of lunch.

"Well, I guess what I could do is put you on a different medication. Let's see-"

Pause, filled with slight rustling-of-papers noise - as if he's looking it up in a medical dictionary or thesaurus or just flipping over a page in a book to see what medication it randomly lands on.

"Right. There's -----pam... No, maybe ----tine... Hmm I think maybe we'll try [insert generic medication name that ends in 'pam' or 'tin']. Come by the surgery and pick up a prescription."

That's it? You don't want me to come in to talk it over? See what's going wrong?

"No, you can just come and pick it up from reception. Oh - and I suppose you should make an appointment to see Dr D--- in - hmm, about four or five weeks?"

His parents must be proud they fronted all that money for med school to turn out a doctor this good...