too much buffy is bad for the psyche

i love that it's still light...kind of dusk-ish...when i walk to the station in the evenings now. the most magical time of day. and my road smells of springtime and the anticipation of summer. that incredible blend of the cherry blossom and magnolia and warmth. it makes everything seem good.

i watched 'the laramie project' this evening, the HBO film of the play about the killing of matthew shepard in 1998. it was - i don't really know. i thought it was really good, but the main thing that kept echoing as i was watching it was "this is true. this happened." i did, of course, cry like a bastard, and i know films emotionally manipulate you anyway, and this was obviously no exception especially given the subject matter, but it was still that "it's all true" thing that got me. and the amount of hate just pouring off some people - that guy phelps or whatever, that turned up at matthew's funeral with the "matt in hell" and "fags burn" kind of signs just make me so angry and frustrated and you just don't know what to do. i guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion. i guess? i mean of course they are - esp in america, freedom of speech etc. but there's a time and a place. and the reaction of the public was amazing. the catholic priest they interviewed, they were apprehensive about meeting him so i'm sat there thinking "oh christ what's he going to say" but this guy seemed to have his head screwed on and his feet on the ground and he said some good things. then the baptist minister one of the girls talked to - what a prick. this is what i hate about religion, the intolerance, the narrow-fucking-mindedness of it all that just drives me to the wall. (cf. religion article on knotmag...) there were scenes of candlelit vigils and so on and it made me want to have something to believe in, but what?

we fill our lives with things: religion, work, friends, family, alcohol, drugs... each to their own, whatever it takes to get through the day. i just don't yet know what that is. sometimes it's writing. sometimes it's the sun shining. often it's the thought "once this day is over, one day nearer to the weekend..." :)

i'm giving up on f-log for a while, i'm just not feeling it at the minute. it's not really going to matter one way or the other, is it.

on the train this eve coming back from work, a guy sat diagonally opposite me in the next section of seats - i guess mid-30s, early-40s, bald, wearing a black hoodie. and my mind immediately went "ooh, he's obviously the bad guy." too much buffy is bad for the psyche. it makes you see "bringers" and demon people when in reality they can't help it if they're bald and decided to wear a black hooded sweater that day. it also makes you think you're more powerful than you are. then you get followed home and realise you actually *are* the blonde-running-down-the-alley archetype that joss whedon was trying to turn on its head. anyway, it still made me laugh to myself that i thought that about him. lucky for him the train was crowded and i didn't have room to do some high-powered buffy kicks and roundhouses...

looking after charlie this evening and when he was having a bath he got some water up his nose and worriedly called me to tell me, then told me how "if you get a bubble in water in you it can kill you if it gets your brain or heart." as in, if you get an air bubble in your bloodstream it can kill you. i had to reassure him that getting a bit of water up his nose would be okay, it wouldn't kill him.

happy birthday laura, hope all is well in colorado, miss you. happy birthday to the parkinson twins - curly claire and ben, see you guys soon i hope. xxx

if i was a child i would point out that it is only a week till my birthday, but i am soon to be 23 and am therefore not even remotely interested or excited in this news.